Thankfulness 2013- The Bully Effect

bullying xed out

Today’s post may be a little deeper than I had originally intended, but bear with me please. I want to talk about something that is important to me.

It’s the topic of bullying.

We hear about child bullying, and the devastating impact it has on its young victims.  But what we don’t often hear about is adult bullying.  It actually happens more often than we realize.

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Here are some general types of adult bullies:

(Taken from Bullyingstatistics.org)

  1.  Narcissistic Adult Bully – Self-centered and not sharing of empathy. Feels good about self when putting others down.
  2. Verbal Adult Bully– Uses sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate someone. This can lead to emotional and psychological stress and / or depression.
  3. Impulsive Adult Bully – Spontaneous acts, and unplanned bullying due to their own personal stress.

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Bullying is so damaging to the soul.

I know because I was bullied by someone very close to me, as a child. And again, recently by an adult from the same social and professional circle.

It took me a long time to get over the pain and humiliation; the feeling of worthlessness, the embarrassment of knowing that I was not strong enough to confront these actions; the hopelessness that I had no value because of the demeaning and condemning treatment of this bully.

But I am posting today with a thankful heart, and a strong voice.

self worth woman green meadow

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  •  I am not worthless.
  •  I will not allow myself to be put down by someone else’s words.
  •  I am a woman of strength and value, and will choose to accept what comes into my heart.
  •  I choose whether to take unacceptable, degrading words from another; or to walk away – it is my choice, and this cannot be taken from me.
  •  I choose to believe in myself.
  •  And I choose to speak up.

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Bullying, no matter the form: Verbal, nonverbal, child, adult, man or woman – IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!

I am NOT thankful for the bullies in my life, but I am thankful for receiving the gift of growth from these events.

*****

self worth beach woman

*****

After taking time off from the groups I had been so afraid to reenter, I learned that I was stronger than I had ever given myself credit for.

I made friends– true friends who accept me for who I am (quirky flaws and all 🙂 ).

I learned that I have a voice, and I can make it heard.

I learned to set boundaries for acceptable and not acceptable behavior.

And finally, I learned not to be ashamed to ask for what I want or need.

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hope strength love

*****

Asking my husband for a stress relief spanking, is a lot easier now that I understand the validity of my needs.  Sometimes, it’s embarrassing to be vulnerable. But I have finally realized that vulnerability towards a loved one, especially my spouse, does not make me less of a woman.  It doesn’t define me.  And with the strength that I am slowly building, I am becoming more and more comfortable speaking my mind and voicing my concerns.

*****

I am thankful for the growth and healing – that has come from these painful events. I am thankful for the scars. They don’t define me. I define myself.

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stay strong no bullying

Thanks for listening!

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Here are a few more pics that I found. I hope you see one that you like.  If you have any other great pictures or links about this important topic, please share.

Blessings, love, and safe community!

-Katherine

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noone can make you feel inferior

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say out loud love and no bullying

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self-esteem lots of diff colors

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Update:

After I finished this post, I went online to search for a bit more about adult bullying.

Here are a few other interesting links.

http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/adult-bullying.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sue-scheff/adult-bullying-harassment_b_4256954.html

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/bullying/adult-bullying

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/adult-bullying-and-how-to-stop-it-.html

http://www.themercury.com.au/news/tasmania/today-tassie-takes-a-stand-wear-blue-and-say-no-to-bullying-and-add-your-name-to-the-list-below/story-fnj4f7k1-1226727938287

Here is a really cool charm bracelet that I found!

http://www.antibullyingpledge.com/

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17 thoughts on “Thankfulness 2013- The Bully Effect

  1. Casey McKay

    I was just having a conversation about bullying with my husband. I was dealing with a similar situation tonight with a new acquaintance. I love that Eleanor Roosevelt quote, because you really do have to give someone consent to make you feel like crap.
    I feel like sometimes it takes a lot to get to a place where you can decide you are not going to let it happen.

    This post made me tear up a bit, not going to lie, I may be a bit tired and hormonal, but it struck a chord with me.

    Also very topical, did you follow that whole story with the Miami Dolphins football player?

    Anyway, I am thankful that I have friends who love me for me, and I love them right back (That would be you, friend 🙂

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      I love you too, Casey!
      Thanks for your honest reply. I love that quote too!

      And if it makes you feel any better, I cried while writing and while reading it aloud to my friend! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Natasha Knight

    Me too on the tearing up. It’s easy to say I think that you have to give your consent to be bullied or put down or whatever but it’s harder in action. We (each one of us) always have that one person (or people) who can somehow manage to affect us this way and we somehow keep allowing it.

    I sometimes even look at anonymous comments on my blog (which go right to spam but I still get notified). I am strong enough to know that these are people who can’t say what they have to say with their name attached to it but with the intent still to hurt – however subconscious. They too are bullies and may not even know it.

    I am with you in saying that I am not grateful for the bullies in my life either. I am grateful for my strength but the bullies not. I won’t even waste the energy to feel sorry for them though.

    You know what I want? A sticker that says Mean People Suck. I’ve seen t-shirts, I wonder if I can get stickers…

    Love you Kate. You’re awesome.

    N

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Natasha!
      I’m so thankful to have friends I can laugh, and every once in a while, cry with. 🙂

      If you find that sticker, let me know! I want one too.
      🙂
      Love you, too!

      Reply
  3. Corinne Alexander

    Katherine, I have chills from reading this. You are such a tender, loving, compassionate, strong, powerful, and articulate woman. You give voice to so many emotions & situations that we all go through yet the way that you process & share this process helps us all to heal a little bit at a time just by reading your words. Thank you for being a voice for us all! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Reply
  4. Patricia Green

    As a peripatetic red head growing up in Southern California, where everyone was a blonde surfer-type in a home that didn’t move around every year, I got bullied a lot. As you point out, it’s your choice to take it or not. Once I was old enough, I chose not to take it, and I’m stronger for it. I walk away from it now, easily and automatically. (But then, I’m a lot older than you.)

    Your article is wonderful. You voice a big problem in a personal and uplifting manner. You don’t seem bitter or drowning in misery. I really love your spunk and drive, Katherine. You are a great example for all of us.

    Reply
    1. Ami

      I just retired as a high school teacher, last July. In my teaching lifetime I saw all sorts of bullying. We always did our best to stamp it out, and believe me, many of the bullies needed help themselves. Lots of them were bullying because they had such wretched home lives it was the only way they could get any attention from anyone; and feel that they had any say or power in their own lives. I know, very sad. But we always tried to help both the victims and the bullies.

      As an only child I suffered my fair share of bullying during my formative years. Luckily my character won through and there have been no real lasting effects. The only way it did affect me is that there are times I suffer a complete lack of confidence in what I do, and therefore need reassurance. But then, everyone needs kind strokes on a weekly basis.

      You have written an excellent post – very uplifting and honest. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and experiences.

      Hugs
      Ami

      Reply
  5. Cara Bristol

    I am glad you did not allow bullying to keep you down. One of the things that think makes bullying hard to combat is that it occurs like a sniper attack — often without warning. One is too taken aback to confront it at the time.

    Reply
  6. peejay123

    Thank you for your amazing coverage of this topic – I was always a victim of bullies and learned how to avoid them, but I have never learned to be as positive as you!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Peejay!
      I am so sorry to hear about your bullying.
      I am very blessed to have a few close friends who have really helped me find my voice and my self worth. (but if you ask me on a bad day, I can lose it pretty quickly).

      I am also very blessed that my husband doesn’t le me wallow in self pity anymore.
      LOL, he spanks it out of me before it gets out of hand!

      Blessings to you!

      Reply
  7. Mel

    Hi Katherine, thank you for writing about this topic! I have been through this myself and can relate. Do you mind if I re blog this on my blog? 🙂 have a great thanksgiving! Mel

    Reply

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