Spanking Hot Topics – Who Brought Spanking Into the Relationship?

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It’s time for another Spanking Hot Topics!

This week’s Topic is about WHO brought spanking into the Relationship.

I’m very excited to share a little bit of my DD journey with you!

So here goes!

*****

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Who brought spanking into the Relationship?

I am the woman who found out about spanking in fiction, and then fought tooth and nail to get it implemented into my real life.  I wish I could say it was easy – that I just casually mentioned my desire for boundaries, and he flipped me over his knee in response.

But my reality was a lot different than the fiction I read.  🙂

I remember getting frustrated several times because I had done deliberate things that had gotten female characters spanked, only to have my husband ignore my actions.

Grrrr!

– I just rolled my eyes at him.

And he didn’t spank me!

– I deliberately forgot to make that dentist appointment he had asked me to do.

And he didn’t spank me!

– I climbed up on high ladders during the Christmas season to put up the Christmas lights on our house!

Not only did he NOT tell me “Young lady, get your butt down off that ladder. Don’t you ever do such a dangerous act again!”, he also,

Did NOT spank me!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Nuts!

I just wanted to be spanked! Over his knee. Hard!

And more importantly, I wanted to NOT want to be spanked, like the women in the stories I read.

It was a pretty confusing time for both of us. 🙂

(Note: I really want to go deeper into this conversation. I have some bigger, deeper, more emotional reasons for wanting my husband to spank me.  But I kind of ran out of space. Yes, I’m a talker! I would love to share more of this journey, and what got me started. But I will have to do it over several blog posts. Thanks for understanding. )

*****

Luckily, the timing finally aligned itself, and  I decided to talk to him – to really explain what I wanted.  What I wanted was a 24/7 spanking relationship, with him in charge, and me as his equal, but submissive, wife.

I gave him a ten minute warning, that I wanted to talk with him. Then I sat on his lap on the couch, and tried to work up the nerve to be honest with him.  (I think the large glass of wine helped a lot.)

I told him I would be as quick and concise as I possibly could (I know it’s hard to believe, but he sais that I overwhelm him with my lengthy spiels), took a deep breath, and told him the following:

“I would like you to take me over your knee and spank me so I can release some of the emotions and anger I have inside me. And to thank you, I will do whatever you want me to do in bed afterwards. (hint, hint. I made sure to wear my cute nightgown for this talk).

I had just finished reading “How to get the spanking you want”. It said to shut up there.

So I kept my mouth closed, and looked at him while nervously biting my bottom lip.

He started laughing!

(I reminded myself that he was not laughing at me, he was probably just nervous and caught off guard).

I held my ground and fought really hard not to start crying with hurt feelings. I asked him if he had any questions since I had not really said much on the subject yet.

He said, “Uh, sure.”

“Would you like to know where I came up with this idea?” I supplied

“Yes.” (Have I ever mentioned he is my opposite when it comes to talking?)

I did a very brief synopsis of DD, and told him about a few of the websites that I had found. I also explained my desire for him to be the HOH (Head of Household), and that I wanted to give him my submission.

Of course every time I said “spanking” or “spanked”, he would crack up. (he almost had tears rolling down his face, he was laughing pretty hard, and trying not to.)

I decided I had better quit while I was ahead. I asked him if he would officially be the HOH, and allow me to submit to him. I asked him to consider the discipline side in the future. I also asked him to give me my first OTK spanking.

His answer, “Sure, ok. Uh… Now?”

“Yes please, if that’s ok with you.”

We both cracked up, trying to figure out the proper positioning of a grown woman over his knees. We finally just decided to fake it. I asked him if he would prefer to use his hand or the new leather paddle I had gotten from the Adam and Eve store, or something else (we have wooden spoons in the kitchen, and he has plenty of belts).

He decided to go with his hand and the leather paddle.

He was pretty inexperienced in spanking area. Lord, if I even wiggled the wrong way, he stopped, fearing he was hurting me.

But the important thing to me, was that he was willing to try.

And he kept trying.

*****

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It took a good year for us to get our bearings straight.

We have made so much progress since that first night.

Now, he tells me when he is frustrated with one of my actions.  Instead of walking away, which hurts me emotionally, he deals with the issue.

We either:

– talk about it, and come to a compromise;

or

– he spanks me – and then we talk and reach a compromise. 🙂

And to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

*****

He has accepted my submission for what it is – a gift.  And he uses his power responsibly;  watching for my cues and acting accordingly.  We both have come to an unsaid agreement, that when I act a certain way, I am asking him to spank me.  We are still working out the kinks, and are learning so much about each other.

But the biggest thing we have learned so far, is the need for mutual respect and communication.

And the biggest thing I have taken from all of this is:

Don’t push or emasculate my husband.  If I am patient with him, he will give me what I need. Sometimes, it won’t be what I want. But he is a good man, and will always strive to give me what I need.

*****

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Thank you so much for stopping by!

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. 🙂

And please be sure to visit the other bloggers.  They have some great experiences to share!

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This entry was posted in Spanking chats on by .

About katherinedeane

I like to escape reality often, through reading or writing. I love fantasy, sci fi, paranormal, adventure, and spanking romance. I have a DD relationship with my wonderful husband. I started writing because I have a vivid imagination and wild fantasies. I am eagerly awaiting the release of my first book!

18 thoughts on “Spanking Hot Topics – Who Brought Spanking Into the Relationship?

  1. Natasha Knight

    I love you. I giggled and giggled some more. I have a visual of you sitting on his lap doing this. Then I was sad when you said you tried not to be hurt and I believe you are right – laughing was the only response he had and he wasn’t laughing at you.

    We have such similar stories and I’m glad you’re working through this and know he’s responding. Maybe one day, we’ll even resist the spanking – just like the heroines in the books.

    Or not… ;D

    Thanks for hosting this week!!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Natasha!
      I do feel like our journeys are so similar!

      It was really hard at the time, not to get hurt feelings. Thank goodness for that book! It really helped me understand a lot of his possible thoughts.

      YES! I dream to one day be the kicking and fighting hellion that gets thrown over his lap!

      And to throw in a little TMI- I’m not completely averse to the idea of possibly having this “altercation” in a semi public forum.
      I don’t know. Maybe it would be different if it actually happened.
      But for now, I can dream 🙂

      Reply
  2. Casey McKay

    Wow, you were so direct when you brought this up to your husband! I admire that, I completely danced around the issue. I think your directness was an awesome way to go. I also think it is obvious how much your husband loves you that even though it made him uncomfortable at first, and he was laughing at what you were saying, he still tried. I love that!

    You are right, I think the key to anything in a relationship is communication. Thanks so much for sharing, I love reading your insights, and thanks for hosting 🙂

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Casey!
      Don’t get me wrong. There was still a good amount of buildup before the actual conversation.

      I fantasized for a month before I said anything!

      And the first “spanking” we talked about, was when I showed him a scene in a book I was reading. (My first official spanking in fiction, and it wasn’t even a spanking book!).

      🙂

      Reply
  3. Tara Finnegan

    What a lovely post, it shows a very loving and understanding relationship. I especially like your words of wisdom at the end ” If I am patient with him, he will give me what I need. Sometimes, it won’t be what I want. But he is a good man, and will always strive to give me what I need.”

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks so much, Tara.
      I have to keep reminding myself of that, when I get resentful and angry with him.

      I am not a very patient person, so that is one of my most difficult tasks. 🙂

      Reply
  4. aubreycara3

    I had such a similar experience, and it really does hurt when they just don’t ‘get it’. At least your husband was willing to give it a go. My husband and I had many conversations before he would spank me. Then for years I had to ask any time I wanted or needed a spanking. I like it for pleasure, but I sometimes need it for an emotional release. For the longest time he held back because he didn’t want to hurt me. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks so much for replying and sharing, Aubrey!
      I would love to hear more about your journey. It sounds so similar to mine!

      (Mine always stopped too early. Now he goes fast and hard, so I don’t quite have enough time to emotionally release before my body is done. Am I making sense?)

      Please let me know if you get a post up about your journey! I would love to read it.
      🙂

      Reply
  5. Penelope

    It probably sounds silly but this post has made me cry. Such sweet, hopeful, honest longing, such vulnerability. I lost it at the point you “shut up” after following the guidance from ‘How to get the spanking you want’.

    I am so, so glad that you did get where you needed to be. xoxo

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      I’m sorry Penny. 😦
      But if it makes you feel any better, I cried during parts of writing this also. 🙂

      This was a really big deal to me. I needed this so badly!
      We needed this!
      I honestly, didn’t think our marriage was going to last much longer, the way we were going.

      (That’s a continuation for another post 🙂 )

      I was so relieved when he didn’t automatically say “no”. Though I am an impatient person. Waiting on him to make a decision is very difficult for me.

      Thanks!
      hugs! 🙂

      Reply
  6. Joelle Casteel

    wonderful, Katherine! I wish I had your willpower- to stop talking 😀 When I begged for maintenance spankings- yes, after 12-ish years of lifestyle BDSM 24/7 Master/slave lmao- I kept trying to explain until He picked up His back scratcher and found it was a handy tool. How funny that you both cracked up that first night 🙂

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      LOL, Joelle. The few times I have been able to physically stop talking, the voice still kept going in my head! 🙂

      Mmm, I have never tried a back scratcher. sounds wonderful!
      Thanks for sharing your story too!!!
      🙂

      Reply
  7. Sue Lyndon

    Thank you for sharing your story, Katherine, and for hosting this week’s topic! Patience seems to be a running theme in the posts this week:) Your husband sounds like a great guy!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Sue!
      You’re so right about the patience thing. Maybe in another 20 years! I’m already a ton better than I was 20 years ago.
      Holy crap, I just remembered I am at the age now, where 20 years ago for me, I was just barely an adult!
      Where did the time go?!?
      Thanks, I loved reading your post too!
      🙂

      Reply

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