I wrote this post last year, when I was new to the DD scene. Though we have both grown through our relationship this past nine months, I still have a lot of the same feelings that were present then. I also thought this would give me a good opportunity to share a bit about myself, and practice my writing. 🙂
I fantasize about my husband spanking me.
It is a sexual thing for me as well as a bonding thing. I am not a masochistic person, in search of pain. (If that was the case, I would not have begged for the epidural during both pregnancies) I am however, a woman in need of a lot of love and attention. I have always been a people pleaser, in need of consistent affirmation. Most of the time, my self – esteem is good, allowing me to see the beautiful, energetic woman that God made me. But I hit points where everything crumbles around me. Sin and hatred, and self – loathing bubble up from me, lashing out, engulfing and smothering me, until I finally over-react to release all the negative energies.
After reading my first spanking romance, I was intrigued by the feeling of rightness. I tirelessly researched spanking, until I came across a Domestic Discipline site. I realized that DD was the type of relationship I had always longed for. I brought it to my husband, and waited for his decision.
When he finally concluded that I was not going to let this thing go, that it was not a phase I was going through, he agreed to try it. It was a little rough at first, since he did not want to fully participate. I realize now, that it was also hard for him, because I was the SME (subject matter expert), who was emasculating him through my actions. I was essentially “topping from the bottom”. But we finally hit a groove, and agreed that DD was the right move for us.
I still fantasize about my perfect husband, who can read my mind and emotions. He can understand exactly what I am saying, and more importantly, what I am NOT saying.
He knows how to push me to better myself.
He gives me freedom to make my own choices.
He respects, and loves me unconditionally.
He adores my body, and flirts with me.
When he takes me to bed, he becomes a caveman, and naturally dominates me, while also ensuring that I am completely satiated. (LOL, I told you it was a fantasy)
He sets boundaries for me, like stopping swearing, and stopping after one glass of wine (I get around that now, by using a bigger glass); and never sets me up for failure.
But when I do fail to stay within a boundary, he lovingly punishes me, and sets me back on the straight and narrow.
Then he nurtures me and soothes me, and tells me how much he loves me.
This is my fantasy. It is neither realistic for me to expect, nor is it loving or kind for me to demand. My husband loves me, and will do almost anything to make me happy, but he is not the natural top that I fantasize about. And I will not resent him for that. Instead, I will relegate this superhero to my computer. He will be a great main character for my spanking novels. 🙂
I know my husband is a little lacking in the emotional / empathy department. It’s just the way he is. I also know that he does not have the time or energy for another “child” to care for. Thankfully, my petulant, child-like (princess having a temper tantrum) qualities don’t surface that often. Mostly when I get stressed out, or am lacking in attention. 🙂
For the time being, I will just continue to ask him when I need some extra “attention”. He does seem more receptive since I got the new set of lacy thongs. 🙂